Stop the Dumbness

Chris Brown on the set of Precious.

The worse thing about Chris Brown ain't that he wore Rihanna's ass out. It's that he's about as smart as a can of Old English.

This motherfucking grown ass man didn't know what the census was. Oh, so you can sing and dance and punch Caribbean girls in the forehead, but you can't open a letter and read what it says?

Where are the parents, Jehovah? Why come they let this boy have an interview knowing he ain't got the sense You gave him?

Oh, Miss Brown. I'ma pray for you (that's Christian for "I think you're an asshole").

Calorie Queens

Fat people make me sick.

I know you supposed to be proud of who you are and all that, but let's face facts:

1. You're big as a duplex.
2. Thighs ain't supposed to have dimples.
3. Men ain't supposed to have titties.
4. Fat people have a greater risk for heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, and gingivitis.
5. Spandex wasn't made for you.
6. I hate when you eat up all the food.
7. You sweat too damn much.
8. That cheesy substance between the folds of your ass, groin, breast, neck, and armpit areas? That's not supposed to be there.
9. I don't have the time or strength to lift your belly to find your microscopic penis.
10. One chin is enough.

Ya'll got me speaking in tongues.  Gunkified.

House of Pedophilia Turns the Children OUT!

Exactly!

I gets confused as to why some peoples call theyselves Christian and then turn around and act like the devil on a Saturday night motorcycle ride.  Oh. Y’all ain’t hear?  The Catholic Church has decided to perform stunts and shows in D.C. to protest gay marriage.   They are turning out the children left and right, honey.  Literally.

And they just told they employees to go get they coins from somewhere else.  Evidently, Jesus’ charity only stretches but so far.  No more balms in Gilead, chile. 

Truth is them kids is better off being as far away from the Catholic Church as heavenly possible. You know how them priestesses get down.

How Dare She!

 

Where the fuck is my stylist?

Oh, mighty Isis!  Please protect me from the bonafide fuckery the children insist on putting me through.  I prays and I prays and still I cain't be free from this deviltry.

Lawd, why come fat people always wanna wear the wrong stuff?  I mean, for serious.  If y'all know y'alls feet is wide as highways, why you tryna squeeze into some side streets?

Look at Gabourey Sidibe.  This heffa is bout as big as a gaggle of hamhocks.  And yet, here her is tryna put she hooves in some juicy couture shoes.  For realz?  Straps, darling?  It should be illegal for that much weight to be on a damn heel.  If only her pinky toe could suck its teeth. And lotion is fundamental.

I'm through.



Yep.  You know it.  Gunkified.

Goblins Are Running Rampant!

 Separated at birth? Sandra Rose (top) and a random pig.

Y'all ever see a photo of this Obama-hating whore named Sandra Rose? Chile, never in a trillion years have I ever seen a tramp as ugly as this one. Now I see why she be on her blog hatin' 24/7. That bitch got a ugly complex.  Lashin' out at pretty folks because her face genes are defective.  And it ain't kuz she darkskinned.  This hoe is just plain ugly irregardless of the color of her complexion. 

Fuck a rose! They should call her Sandra Snapdragon. Y'all heard it here first.

Good mernting!  I'm Skrawberry Gunk and Sandra Rose has just been gunkified.