Where's My Hymnal?

By Adam's Rib!

I don't know what's happening with these children today, but Satan is having a field day.  Boys is calling their asses "pussies" and asking celebrities to do old skool dances inside them.  It ain't right, Jesus.  It just ain't right.

Where's Eddie Long when you need him?

Lackawanna Blues

The power of Khia compels you.

My sugar just shot through the roof!

Deep in the bowels of Alabama, Antoine LIVES and TWIRLS.  It's not his red scarf or his yellow smoker's teeth that sends my kidneys on a joyride for Jesus.  It's the Negro expertise with which he narrates the story that gives me flashbacks of slavery.  Harriet Tubman would get her life.

While I'm over here getting my insulin fix and reading a Psalm, get into the fuckery:

The People Under the Stairs

Moses please lead me out of this here desert!

I's only got one question: What in Jesus' name happened to Li'l Kim's face?

Forget the jacked-up, wanna-be white nose; why come her make-up looks like a blind toddler with Tourette's Syndrome put it on for her?

And the wig/lace-front is a bonafide FOOL.

She needs Jehovah STAT!

Let us pray.

You Mad?

Somebody please tell me there's a Psalm or Proverb for this:

 

When People Don't See What I See

 Eddie Munster and Drake: Separated at Birth?

I'm just saying.

Praise Jesus.

Zoop!

My nipples and my bellybutton are in the same place, and what?

Finally, a honest fat person. Praise Jesus.

My, My, My, the Devil is a Liar!

(Put on your red dress, Miss Thang!)

Baby, you ain't gotta lie.

Erybody and they mother know you gay. I mean, it's common knowledge. You can sit up there until all the mascara disappears from your face and you ain't gone be nothing but gay. You AND Eddie Murphy. I don't care how many kids you got. Homosexuals make babies too!

I don't care what nobody say. Ain't no man that damn feminine unless he gettin poked in the booty. Let's just put the shit on out there. Praise the lawd.

I can already hear the children gettin mad at Skrawberry: "It ain't none of your got damn business what Johnny Gill do!" "I hate when people try to out somebody!" "Why you worried about Johnny?" "It's people like you that make the world hate gay people!"

Here's my early response: so, because, and too damn bad. Y'all queens always finna shoot the messenger. Y'all doing too much. Y'all best sit down and shut up before you get your wig snatched lovely.

Or before you get gunkified.

For your viewing pleasure, Miss Jonetta Gill:

For Hip Hop News & Entertainment at DimeWars.Com

Stop the Dumbness

Chris Brown on the set of Precious.

The worse thing about Chris Brown ain't that he wore Rihanna's ass out. It's that he's about as smart as a can of Old English.

This motherfucking grown ass man didn't know what the census was. Oh, so you can sing and dance and punch Caribbean girls in the forehead, but you can't open a letter and read what it says?

Where are the parents, Jehovah? Why come they let this boy have an interview knowing he ain't got the sense You gave him?

Oh, Miss Brown. I'ma pray for you (that's Christian for "I think you're an asshole").

Baby Fat

No bitch, I'm hungry!

Get you a piece of this video here. This F.I.T. (Faggot in Training) is getting life with a banana and a Lady Gaga song, Mickey Moused down. Apparently, cunts come in all ages, shapes, and sizes.

How your baby's belly that big and he's not even 10 yet? Underoos all stretched out and what not. Lawd ha' mercy. How much you wanna bet the person holding the camera is a biggun too?

Ooh, that made me chuckle.

Y'all say I'm harsh on the fat children. I say stop eatin.

Y'all say I'm mean. I say y'all gunkified.

Calorie Queens

Fat people make me sick.

I know you supposed to be proud of who you are and all that, but let's face facts:

1. You're big as a duplex.
2. Thighs ain't supposed to have dimples.
3. Men ain't supposed to have titties.
4. Fat people have a greater risk for heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, and gingivitis.
5. Spandex wasn't made for you.
6. I hate when you eat up all the food.
7. You sweat too damn much.
8. That cheesy substance between the folds of your ass, groin, breast, neck, and armpit areas? That's not supposed to be there.
9. I don't have the time or strength to lift your belly to find your microscopic penis.
10. One chin is enough.

Ya'll got me speaking in tongues.  Gunkified.

For Colored Boys Who Considered Suicide When a Sex Change Wasn't Enuff

The power of Christ compels you!

Nuh uh, Pazuzu. I will not let you take this here child. Not until I can take a kiddie perm to his peasy head. And not until Jesus Power helps me rip those leotards off his legs.

This is what happens when you let Rihanna, Beyonce, Ne-Yo, and Trey Songz raise your kids for you: dicks turn into pussies and trollops are born.

I got a bible and a hot comb.  One of these is gonna work.

The End of Days

Revelations ain't got shit on this here.

Not even Lee Daniels's Precious self-hatin' ass could have conjured this shit up!

These two queens at the Welfare Office got into a fight.  Jehovah knows where they was at.  Coulda been Compton or Detroit or St. Louis or the Bronx or Atlanta or Baltimore or Camden.  Any place niggers stay niggers no matter how many Bible verses you read to them.  Anywho, they was kickin and punchin and hittin and thowin each other all over the place.  But that ain't the worst part.

Then, in a stunning move that made even Jesus gag, one of the bitches vogued.  In front of everybody.  And had the nerve to think she was cute.  Shameless.

There's a special place in Tartarus for the walking cunts.  Believe it.

Gunkified all day.

The Whores of Babylon

Give Jehovah a clap praise. Now, befo you put yo tithe in the plate, take a gander at these here heathens masquerading as God's children. Settin up there in front the TV gyratin and pulsatin and carryin on like hoes in a harem.  The three of them. Sodom, Gammorah, and Mary Magdalene.  There's so much Kotex in that room I could crochet me a blanket.  There's so much estrogen in that room, I can grow me a thousands breasteses.  There's so much yaki in there, I can make Vivica Fox pretty again.  Well, maybe not that last thing.  I ain't no witch.  But NTways....

Jesus said we shall know the beast by the mark, and these bitches is marked.

I blame Beyonce.  Her is the Anti-Christ.  Who else could turn men into women without surgery?

Lookahere:

Jesus Be a Fence!

"I just wanna be successful."  No bitch.  You just wanna-be.  Miss Erica West: STAN

Jesus, be a fence all around me, eryday!

I cain't.  I cain't no mo.  Y'all done got my pressure up and now I'ma need to whip ya tail.  Go on out there to the tree and fetch me a switch.  A big one.  Wit thorns on it.  And iffen you come back wit anything too small, Jehovah is gonna come down askin' me why come your blood is callin' out to him from the ground.

Y'all ever hear of this pussy cunt cunt named Eric West?   No?  Don't tell she that.  Her swears to Lucifer her's famous.  Matter fact, her thinks desperately trying to be famous is the same thang as being famous.  Her had the nerve to sing on a Six Flag demo and send it around like it was a forthcoming single from she non-existent album.  Her claimed to have a starring role in some d-list movie, but her was really just an extra.  Her's just an ex-Janet Jackson groupie (or maybe not so ex since her is still stalking Miss Jackson judging from this photo) with a Happy Meal and a four finger plan to try to make a dollar out of fifteen cents.  Gull, her missed, her missed, her missed like this.

But this whore got an extra bag of trickery.  Her gets turnt out by security guards and back-up dancers in exchange for them finding a way to get she onto red carpet events to be photographed or to get backstage to take pictures wit celebrities.  Her even had Miss Wikipedia thinking her was somebotee, until she card was pulled lovely and that ass got deleted.  Ooh, see.  Now this faker done got my sugar up.  Where's my insulin at?

Her's beat in that photo, though.  I ain't even gonna lie.  But beatness ain't stardom.  Ask ya grandmama if you don't know.

The devil is a liar, chile.  I'm sanctified.  But Ms. West ain't.  No honey.

She's gunkified.

Holy Ghost on the Runway

My memory ain't what it use ta be.

Now let me see here. Was it Leludacris? Doucheronomy? Exsqueezetheseashyfeet? Come on now. Y'all know y'all bible chapters. Ain't you got no learning?

NTways. The chapter that talks about Jehovah's rules. The one where you ain't allowed to wear shoes wit buckles, eat clams on a Sunday, comb your hair to the east, or play hopscotch wit white people. Ain't that the same chapter that say boys ain't allowed to slap they sticks togeva?

Now, I ain't exackly seen Chris Brown put his anteater on somebody's sturgeon, but look a here at this dancing. Ain't this what the children do at the heathen clubs? Ms. Brown is givin me all types of feva in this video. Maybe this explains why he wailed on that big foreheaded chile from Africa: she ain't had the right mechanicals in the private area.

Jehovah, your chaps is too many things! Somebody go get me my Doans pills and hand me my church fan. You know. The one made out of paper with a picture of Jesus looking upwards and the words "The Sanctified Church of the Holly Roller Trinity Resurrection for the Divine Blood in Christ Trinity Tabernacle Ministries" printed on Jesus' dress. Yes, dress. Jesus was not ashamed of who he was.

Y'all got me to babblin. Look at this video and you tell me if Chris Brown took his piggy to the market. I gotta take my hat to the cleaners, play my numbers, and get my can of Colt 45.

Yeah. Of course, chile. Gunkified.

When Cuntiness Goes Wrong

Y'all give me the swine flu.

Why come everybody think puttin a video on You Tube make them a starra? Get into this Living Vagina in the video below. You can't tell her she is not a bonafide woman with her imported yaki weave all braided up into a got damn Dilophosaurus hairdo.

I swear y'all freaks give me topics.

Jehovah, I'm yo witness:

House of Pedophilia Turns the Children OUT!

Exactly!

I gets confused as to why some peoples call theyselves Christian and then turn around and act like the devil on a Saturday night motorcycle ride.  Oh. Y’all ain’t hear?  The Catholic Church has decided to perform stunts and shows in D.C. to protest gay marriage.   They are turning out the children left and right, honey.  Literally.

And they just told they employees to go get they coins from somewhere else.  Evidently, Jesus’ charity only stretches but so far.  No more balms in Gilead, chile. 

Truth is them kids is better off being as far away from the Catholic Church as heavenly possible. You know how them priestesses get down.

Cheeseburgers for Jesus

Church sissies is singing hymns for McDonald's and y'all mad at me?  Shit.

I wonder if Jesus likes Happy Meals.

Gunkified.

How Dare She!

 

Where the fuck is my stylist?

Oh, mighty Isis!  Please protect me from the bonafide fuckery the children insist on putting me through.  I prays and I prays and still I cain't be free from this deviltry.

Lawd, why come fat people always wanna wear the wrong stuff?  I mean, for serious.  If y'all know y'alls feet is wide as highways, why you tryna squeeze into some side streets?

Look at Gabourey Sidibe.  This heffa is bout as big as a gaggle of hamhocks.  And yet, here her is tryna put she hooves in some juicy couture shoes.  For realz?  Straps, darling?  It should be illegal for that much weight to be on a damn heel.  If only her pinky toe could suck its teeth. And lotion is fundamental.

I'm through.



Yep.  You know it.  Gunkified.

Cunts Can Get Life Too!

I have only one word: Yassssssssssssssssssssssss!

Jesus Walks, Honey

 

What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

Miss Donitra McClurkin is vury mad at all the LGBTQ kids for not renouncing they dildos, strap-ons, and midnight booty-shot rendezvous for a quick prayer meeting at C.O.G.I.C. (aka Chile, Old Girls Is Crazy).   She wants you to know that Jesus can help you overcome your same-sex desires.  Too bad Jesus can't make a bitch stop lying, though.  Donitra knows she be gettin' that pussy turnt out every chance she gets.  Talking 'bout just because she's on a diet don't mean she don't wanna eat.  Tramp, please.  Just because you got up in front of a stadium full of Christian homophobes and put on Holy Ghost Stunts and Shows don't mean you ain't sucking dick like a Hoover and gettin' that ass pumped like gas!

Your slip is showing, Miss One. What did Miss Kanye say?  Jesus Walks...for the gods, baby. You better get into it.

Yup.  That's right.  You just been gunkified.

Goblins Are Running Rampant!

 Separated at birth? Sandra Rose (top) and a random pig.

Y'all ever see a photo of this Obama-hating whore named Sandra Rose? Chile, never in a trillion years have I ever seen a tramp as ugly as this one. Now I see why she be on her blog hatin' 24/7. That bitch got a ugly complex.  Lashin' out at pretty folks because her face genes are defective.  And it ain't kuz she darkskinned.  This hoe is just plain ugly irregardless of the color of her complexion. 

Fuck a rose! They should call her Sandra Snapdragon. Y'all heard it here first.

Good mernting!  I'm Skrawberry Gunk and Sandra Rose has just been gunkified.